Why Joel Goodman is a Complete Fucking Moronic Retard.

(Or: “Whiny, miserable, filthy, poisonous, anti-smokers who don’t have enough brains in their pathetic heads to see just how idiotic their own asinine arguments really are.”)

(Or: 10 Answers to Joel Goodman’s 5th Grade Mentality-Like Drivel Entitled “10 reasons why you piss me off)

1) I cannot enjoy a game of snooker without coming out of the hall stinking – and I mean REEKING – of your filthy fags. If I wish to play then I have to factor in washing all my clothes, my body and hair upon returning home. As a smoker you don’t realise[sic] just how foul you smell and how disgusting it is for a non-smoker to have to smell the same way.

Joel, you fucking brainless piece of moronic bile: If you don’t like smelling of smoke: GO TO A FUCKING SMOKE FREE SNOOKER HALL! Problem solved! Or, do you actually think that you have an inalienable birth right to be able to pick and choose any location on the face of the earth, and everybody else on the planet must compromise their chosen activities of enjoyment in order to appease your desire to play snooker? And, don’t you DARE say that there aren’t any smoke-free snooker halls near where you live! That would only argue that there isn’t a significant demand for such, and paint you as a whiny little brat who feels that everyone has a moral obligation to appease your wants at the expense of their own. But, that’s it, isn’t it? You’re just like almost every other anti-smoker — a whiny, bratty, punk-ass little fucking girl who was never able to emotionally mature past pre-pubescence, and believes with all of your heart that you have an inalienable human right to never be inconvenienced by anything, right? how incredibly sad and fucking pathetic.

2) I cannot enjoy a nice meal at my local Chinese without suffering your filthy smoke wafting over my salt and pepper ribs. I’M EATING HERE YOU SELFISH SCUM.

See above. Go to a smoke-free restaurant, you selfish, self-righteous prick. Don’t go to where the smokers already are and cry like a little girl because you’re not getting your way. Grow up a little, and perhaps make an appointment for some fucking testosterone injections, you whiny-assed, cry-baby, punk-bitch, little girl.

3) You even stink up a nice walk. If I take a stroll in a built-up area, it’s bad enough that I have to put up with the mixture of pollution from lazy bastards in cars and inefficient manufacturing practices, without a cloud of your death-puff wafting in my face. You wouldn’t like it if, for instance, Sir Perigrine Worsthorne farted in your face. Well I dislike your filthy output too.

Fuckin’ idiot. Have you ever wondered why you’re so much more opposed to cigarette smoke than the pollution you speak of? The concentration of cigarette smoke on any busy urban street pales in comparison to the concentration of airborne pollutants from automobile exhaust and inefficient manufacturing practices. But, I don’t hear you whining and crying about those? Why is that? Where is your “filthycarowners.com” website? Could it be because you’re a brainless fucking troglodyte with a mind so soft that it has become hopelessly muddied by the popular anti-smoking media barrage that we all experience these days?

As per the farting issue: If a stranger is farting on the street, I will move away. If I can’t move away I will politely ask them to move away. If I’m in a public place and happen to momentarily come into contact with someone’s flatulence, I’ll carry on about my business without much bother, knowing that being subjected to the occasional occurrence which I might find disagreeable is part of life and living in a community filled with other people. If I really can’t stand the habits of other people to such a degree, I’ll move to a fucking cabin in the woods. You can be sure, however, of two things: (1) I will never bitch, whine and cry like a spoiled little child: “Whhaaaaa! I shouldn’t ever have to smell anything that doesn’t appeal to me!” and (2) I wont go to some bar or restaurant where the patrons are known to regularly fart and scream out “I’m here now! Everyone MUST stop farting! What I find disagreeable as an individual trumps what you find agreeable as many individuals!” I’ll go to a no-farting bar or restaurant instead. If there aren’t any, then that’s my tough shit — I must be one of only a very small number that would require such an establishment.

4) I cannot socialise[sic] with friends and colleagues without suffering your selfish stench. Smoke free areas can help a little, but few pubs and clubs have such areas or take this seriously and how many clouds of smoke do you know that can read “No Smoking” signs? You’re fucking up my social life so that you can indulge in your putrid behaviour.

I’ll say it again: DON’T GO TO WHERE THE SMOKERS ARE, YOU SELFISH FUCKING PRICK! Nobody’s forcing you to inhale, or come into contact with, cigarette smoke. Do you not understand that? You don’t have to go to where smokers are smoking. You are perfectly free to go where smoking is not allowed. No smoker is actively trying to ensure that every establishment allows smoking. But, you’re trying to force no-smoking establishments on the smokers, aren’t you? And, you have the unmitigated audacity to call smokers “selfish”? How fucking stupid are you? Seriously? You have absolutely no fucking shame, or sense, you retarded fucking tool. Nobody’s fucking up your social life, idiot. If you don’t like smokers STAY AWAY FROM THEM. If I don’t like you, I wont come to someplace you are and demand that you have to leave and bitch and cry if you refuse. I’ll either leave myself, or just put up with you.

5) You stink. I mean just getting close enough to talk to you is unpleasant. Your breath is foul and stale and makes me want to retch. And looking at your yellow teeth and sagging, haggard face isn’t particularly nice, either.

You’re terminally fucking stupid — at least I can quit smoking. What the fuck are you going to do?

I’ve met many people who’s odour I find disagreeable– smokers and non-smokers alike. I’ve met many more who’s appearance I’ve found disagreeable. If I have that much of a problem with someone, I keep my distance. I don’t suggest that if someone possesses an odour or appearance that I happen to find unappealing they should be restricted from enjoying certain liberties in which they choose to partake. The agreeability of odour and appearance is entirely fucking subjective, you fucking imbecile! Why does your particular tastes trump the rest of us?

I don’t happen to mind the smell of tobacco smoke at all. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. You know what I do have a problem with though? Certain foods! If I smell cooking shellfish of any kind (all kinds of seafood actually, but shellfish in particular), it makes me nauseous. If I’m within about 6 or 8 feet of someone who has eaten selfish within the last few hours, I can smell it on their clothes and on their breath and it turns my stomach. If I go into a restaurant that serves a good deal of such foods, I can smell it lingering on my clothes and in my hair until I do laundry and bathe. So, is it reasonable of me to demand that the world become shellfish free? I mean, eat all of the shellfish you want in the privacy of your own home as far as I care — but NO MORE SEAFOOD RESTAURANTS! You’d be fine with this?

6) You’re an irritable, highly-strung bastard. You can’t even cope with a 2 hour train journey without breaking the law and having a fag in the toilets or in between the carriages. If you did, you’d probably end up beating up the guard or clawing the fabric from the seats. Can’t you see what a selfish dickhead your habit makes you? It’s not a freedom If you’ve not got the strength to hold off for 2 hours. Admit it: you’re a PRISONER of the fags. In claiming that you’re expressing a personal freedom you’re only fooling yourself.

You’re a fascist wannabe fucking tool. All anti-smokers are. They’re all pedophiles too. Don’t fool yourself into denying it! Anti-smokers are all uptight, anal, moral busy-bodies whose intense sexual repression manifests itself in pedophilia — every single, fucking last one of them, including you! How many children have you raped this week Joel? How many four year olds have you sodomized? You fascist fucking child rapist! Lay off the young boys a little Joel, you might lighten up a bit.

There! Now that we’ve got the stupid fucking blanket-generalizations out of our systems… do you actually have any intelligent arguments to put forth? Or is it ALL just asinine, childish drivel?

7) Stop fucking moaning about being short of cash you stupid twat. You spend £5+ per day on a packet of fags. That’s nearly TWO GRAND A YEAR. You’ll nag your boss for a similar-sized wage rise, but you won’t stop pouring cash down the carzy in pursuit of your unproductive, wasteful habit, will you? Or spend the money on decent, healthy food for yourself or your kids. So quit marching for lower university fees – just STOP SMOKING YOU MONG.

How about I take an audit of your life, Joel, then suggest you just cut out any activity that I happen to think is unproductive and wasteful? You’d be OK with that? I’ll make you a deal too: I won’t even touch the ones that are unfairly subjected to discriminatory taxation practices because of the whining, bitching and moaning of mung-headed, dickless, girly-men, busy-bodies like you. How about that? You can’t seem to stop crying like a little panty-waste because you sometimes come into contact with things that smell bad to you – so JUST STOP YOUR FUCKING WHINING YOU MONG!

8) I do not want to sleep with a filthy, putrid, stinking smoker who, after a crap shag in an itchy, filthy flat, turns over to light up a fag. You’re neither sexy, nor attractive and I have no desire to spend time with you.

So don’t. … that was easy.

Can you really be this fucking stupid? Do you actually believe that people are forcing you at gun point to have sex with smokers? Seek help Joel. If you don’t want to have sex with a smoker, then when you pull up to the street-corner in the dark of night, ask the hooker FIRST if she smokes or not.

9) Your filthy piles of fag-ends piled on the city streets proves that you’re all totally anti-social, selfish, litter bugs who truly don’t give a toss about other people or the environment which you share with them. Christ, your dirty butts are now starting to poison our seas, you tossbags.

That’s called littering. It has nothing to do with smoking you fucking goof. If a person tosses a cigarette butt on the ground, or an empty bag of chips, they’re littering. I don’t throw cigarette butts on the ground, and neither do most smokers that I know — but you have no problem in punishing EVERYONE for the idiocy of a few, huh? You fucking fascist-wanna-be momo.

10) Your claim that, in being allowed to pollute my air, you are empowered with freedom of expression, is a fallacy. Not only are you being manipulated by the addiction itself, but many of the politicians who so cynically claim/have claimed to speak for the health of our nation are, themselves, part of the tobacco business. You are doing their bidding.

You hypocritical piece of shit. You’re too fucking stupid to see your own hypocrisy. Every time you get in a combustion powered vehicle you’re doing the bidding of the oil-companies. Every time you take an aspirin for a headache you’re doing the bidding of big-pharma who wont send their patented AIDS treatment to poor African nations that can’t afford to pay for the medication. Do you drive a car, Joel? Or, do you make use of public transportation? If you do, then sit-the-fuck-down and shut-the-fuck-up, you fucking hypocritical, brainless, fucking idiot! Do you ever wear any sort of artificial textiles, such as vinyl or polyester? Do you ever use EMF emitting electronics in public places? Do you purchase goods made from polyvinyl-chlorides? Do you ever dine-out at restaurants that serve anything other than raw foods? Do you ever consume alcohol at public venues? If you do, then sit-the-fuck-down and shut-the-fuck-up, you fucking hypocritical, brainless, fucking idiot! I’m going to fight to take all of those things away from you, and if you so much as raise an eyebrow, I’ll label you as a puppet of the evil-global-corporate-powers as well. Fucking hypocrite.

Automobile emissions and the productions of artificial textiles and PVCs dump almost all of the same pollutants into the atmosphere as cigarette smoke, plus many more that aren’t in cigarette smoke. And, they do it at many BILLIONS of times more cubic-feet per minute than smokers do. Electronics equipment beams cancer causing EMF directly into the genetic structure of those around you. The cooking of food produces all of the same toxins as the burning of tobacco, only, again, at a much higher rate of cfm. Alcoholic beverages contain the carcinogen ethyl-alcohol and the normal evaporation rate of a single, average mixed drink releases more carcinogens into the atmosphere every hour than does TWO THOUSAND FUCKING SMOKERS!

So, unless you can tell me that you do none of the things mentioned above — SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP you hypocritical, whiny-assed, punk-bitch, little fucking girl!

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