Anna and I tried to order a pizza the other night. It didn’t work out so well. This is now the third order in a row that Pizza Hut has completely screwed up. Personally, I have no great love for Pizza Hut. I think their pizza is mediocre at best, but Anna loves the stuff. So, we keep ordering from there. Three orders ago the dough of my pizza was pretty much raw — almost completely uncooked. Two orders ago, my pizza was fine, but Anna received someone else’s order — her pizza arrived completely different than how she had ordered it. But, this last order took the cake.
I’d say it took a solid ten minutes of talking with the guy on the phone before he finally understood our order and got it all entered into his computer. The order wasn’t complicated or anything: Two medium cheese lover’s pizzas. One with pepperoni and mushrooms, and the other with pepperoni and green olives. Simple huh? Not for him! Anna did the talking, and I heard this part of the conversation take place:
“Two medium cheese lover’s…. no, cheese lover’s… medium… yes…. cheese lover’s…. medium…. no….yes, both… yes… yes… two… medium size… yes, cheese lover’s… yes, two medium cheese lover’s”
Anna claims that after each time she said something, she could hear the clicking of computer keys and the whispering of “What in the hell?!?!? (heavy sigh) Ahh, what the…?!?!… (havy sigh) dammnit!”
Then, there was a long pause and I heard Anna say: “Well, can I tell you what I want on them?” Apparently, the guy finally got the “two medium cheese lover’s” part down, and then said “Ok, your order is on its way!”
Then, I heard this part of the conversation take place:
“On the first pizza I’d like pepperoni and mushrooms…. ok, but the second one’s different…. ok, on the second, pepperoni and green olives… no, mushrooms on the first and olives on the second… no, we want pepperoni on both… yes, both with pepperoni…then, mushrooms on one and olives on the other… yes… yes… pepperoni… yes, cheese lovers…. no, just on one… yes, the other with mushrooms… no, mushrooms just on one of the pizzas.”
So, that finally gets all cleared up, and Anna then proceeds to really throw this guy for a loop:
“And, we have a coupon.” She says.
Oh my god! I could almost hear the sound of this guy’s brain exploding coming through the phone. Our coupon was for two medium pizzas at the special price of $15.99, and right on the coupon it says you could upgrade your order to the “lover’s” recipe pizzas for just $4.00 more. (That is a scan of the actual coupon we tried to use at the top of this entry.)
There was another solid few minutes of Anna hemming and hawing with this guy, multiple repeats of Anna reading and re-reading the exact details of the coupon, along with some general disagreement. And, then I heard her say:
“Well, it doesn’t say that on the coupon… Well, they’ve printed the coupon wrong then… Well, shouldn’t it say that on the coupon?”
Then, she hung up the phone, rolled her eyes and shook her head in disgust and said: “We can’t use the coupon, the order is $28.00”
Apparently, the order taker was unable to get his computer to recognize the coupon, and came to the conclusion that the coupon was only good for “meat lover’s” pizzas, and not “cheese lover’s”. Even though that’s not what the coupon says, it says: “Make them lover’s recipe for only $4 more!” The implication is clearly that this coupon should be good for either meat or cheese lover’s pizzas.
When Anna informed him of what the coupon said, he replied: “Well, it’s not my fault that there’s a misprint on the coupon!”
What a moron! Of course it’s your fault, jackass! You work for the company! What an idiot! I was, however, quite surprised when our order arrived intact and how we’d ordered it. Because of the confusion, and obvious mental deficiencies on the part of the Pizza Hut employee, I was sure that our orders would again be severely fucked up. But, for the first time in a couple of orders, at least our pizzas were cooked and they were both as we had ordered them. We just ended up paying $8.00 more than we were supposed to.
Man, if I never order from Pizza Hut again, I’d be perfectly happy. Pizza from Hog’s Back Pizza, or The House of Lasagna kicks the shit out of Pizza Hut pizza anyway (and when you’ve ordered 5 pizzas from HoL, you get your next one absolutely free!) But, Anna love’s Pizza Hut for some strange reason.